Tuesday, August 24, 2004

So the next question is...

...do I make this damn blog public, or do I just sit here talking to myself every few days? I mean, really, I'm not participating in the blog world unless somebody can see it... but until I've got some actual content in here and have redesigned the site to look like something other than a cookie-cutter template, there's not much point, is there? I don't want anybody to see it in this half-hearted state of being.

In the meantime, I have GOT to water these plants before they all collapse.

Monday, August 23, 2004

The whole blogging thing

While I feel like I've got a more-than-adequate understanding of the blog phenomenon, there's a part of me that thinks I can't claim to understand it thoroughly unless I've had a "personal" blog running for a while. I have had other, topic-specific blogs online from time to time, but never a general-purpose meandering blog.

Why haven't I done this before? Basically, two conflicting fears:

1) I don't want to prove myself to be one more person with nothing new to say
2) If I have do something new to say, I don't want somebody else to steal it.

It's a bit of a quandary. I want to blog something of substance, but I'm afraid that if I do post something of substance that it'll appear somewhere else on the web under somebody else's name. But I'm also afraid I won't really have anything of substance to post in the first place.

Perhaps I should make this a blog of my concerns, fears, and things I worry about. I have a tendency to look for the worst-case scenario in everything. The other day I was asking myself why I do this, why it's easier for me to visualize something really terrible happening than something really fantastic. And I realized it's because when you imagine something horrible, and you make yourself stop imagining it, there's a great rush of relief when you acknowledge it wasn't for real. ("Why did the little moron beat his head against the wall? Because it felt so good when he stopped.") Whereas when you imagine something wonderful happening, sooner or later you have to come back to reality and discover that it never happened.

Oh, I do often visualize myself in *realistic* good situations - succeeding in things, whatever - I'm talking about spectacular events of one kind or another. I can imagine them just fine but I make myself stop before I get too caught up in it, or convince myself that it's real.

But I've wandered off topic. Why am I blogging? Do I want a public diary? Is this an experiment? I think it is.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Well, isn't this nice.

I've never intended to start a proper blog before, but at the moment I'm in a training session and there's been a bit of an extended slow patch. I'll probably abandon it within a month or two, honestly, but it's a nice amusement. I don't flatter myself that anybody really wants to read my ramblings - in fact, I think I'd get a bit creeped out if anybody is too interested. But hey, let's see what all the fuss is about.